


Supernatural ending - Carry On Episode

by BellaMoon13



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Becoming Canon On 5 November 2020 (Supernatural), Destiel Week (Supernatural), Ends, F/F, F/M, Gen, How Supernatural (TV) Could End, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Saileen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:00:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaMoon13/pseuds/BellaMoon13
Summary: So I, as many people out there, hated the ending of the show for a number of reasons. And the way I found to cope with it, it was through writing this fic(also seeing a lot of memes and theoris but anyways).This will be like if was the episode 20, continuing from where it stopped on episode 19.I did my best for make characters mostly faithful as possible to their personality as we saw through those years, as I saw them. Also to make it feels like an episode, so we have a final case and some answers that we didn't had in the final, and mostly important a different ending for the characters."We do explore the nature of Destiel in the second act". Well this is the (my) second act.And remember, doesn't matter who you are, you're valid, your feelings are valid and you deserve a happy ending. And you have all right to be mad and sad about the way it ended. But take care of yourself cause you're way too important, find your way to cope with it and to carry on.:)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 6





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in english, so might not be perfect grammatically speaking, sorry about that.

Part 1.

Pass midnight, but to the man sitting on his couch, time has been meanless, every since she died. Every since she died without knowing. He sobbed thinking about her eyes, thinking about their last moments together when the doorbell rings. He jumps scared. Clearing his face from the tears he stand up and get close to the door, when he opens it, there's no one out there. "hello?" He shout. No answer. Kids. He thinks in a bad mood. He closes the door and turns back and there's a woman in front of him, for one moment he thinks is her, but is not. She's younger and is all dress in white, she's facing the floor instea of his face. He doesn't understand, how did she came inside? "Hm... who are you?" She finally look at him, something in her face gives him goosebumps, in one blink of eyes she's there, in another she's face to face with him. In another her hand is through his cheat. Pain. Next thing he knows.... he's falling down to the floor. Dead.

Dean wake up. Another day is starting. For one moment, the brief moment of blissful oblivion from everything makes he feels fine, than everything comes to him. They beat Chuck, they're free, the kid is friggin god now, he smiles and than remember that Cas is not there anymore. The smiles dies out. Another morning. Another day in a world where he is... Dean get up. Push a smile in his face. Cause that's what he would wanted. Cause he can't allow himself to do anything else than not smile, can't allow himself to grief his death, cause he's afraid that if he starts, if he starts crying he would never stop, and he can't do that. He can't do that to him. He have to live for him. And for Sammy. And for everyone who ever cared for him, who ever died for him. So he wouldn't cry, he would smile, even though every second of the day was miserable painful.  
Dean was decided he wouldn't think on Cas. He wouldn't think on his death, but above all he wouldn't think on his last words. Cause if he was to think about it, he would have to try to understand what he feels about him, felt about him. And... he just couldn't deal with that. Cause now was too late. Was too late. So he smiles. Another day has begun.

Sam was on a rollercoaster of emotions. He was sad about lose Cas and Jack. He had tried close his eyes and reach Jack somehow. He was god now. This idea makes him comfortable, there's a God above who cares, just like he always wanted to believe there was. And he would swear that sometimes he doesn feel some peace that seems come from nowhere, and can only be Jack's presence in the wolrd. When this happens Sam smiles , happy for him, happy for being alive. Happy for Eelin be back, alive and well. But ever time he think about her, every time he for a moment allow be happy for having her in his life, for they have a chance to start something, he remembered of Jess, of Sarah, he remembered how everyone he ever loved died. Eelin been there, maybe she's imune now. He laughs bitterly. He wants to believe that, all that was Chuck and now he was free, and they are safe, as safe as anyone can be in this world. But sometimes he just... he's dealing with, but he still needs time to feel safe again. And than there's Cas. He wouldn't even know how to start to express how much he misses him. But he knew it was being worst to Dean. Dean was acting normal, every day, making jokes, smiling, but Sam knows, he knows his big brother, he know Dean is devastated beyond words. He knows Dean is hiding something. He didn't give details on how Cas summoned the Empty. Something happened there. Something that changed him somehow and wasn't just Cas death. And Sam wishes that Dean would open up with him, but Dean is Dean. He'll keep all to himself untill he can't anymore. Sam take a deep breath. Worrying about Dean, happy for have Eelin, sad for Cas, happy for their be free, sad for Jack, but happy for his destiny, he seemed happy. So many feelings.  
A case, that's what he and Dean needed. A case like the old days. 

"Found something?" Dean asks in front of his notebook, searching himself for a case. When Sam suggested they should go hunting, Dean first reaction was to say no, but he said yes, cause hunting, maybe that's what he needs, hunting has always been his way to cope with... well every damn thing.  
"No yet, hold on" Sam keeps reading something "Okay, I think I got something, right here actually, a man died inside his home, with the heart ripped out of his chest. The doors were all locked. The neighbors didn't see or heard anything"  
"Werewolves?" Dean suggests, although the neighbors probably would hear something.  
"Not likely. His heart was right by his side. Whatever it was just killed him, didn't ate his heart."  
"Right than, sounds good to me" Dean tries his best to sound like his old self, cheerful."We should pass on that dinner on our way, I'm dying for a pie"  
Sam briefly smiles at him. His phone rings. "Hello. Wait, what? Becky? Slow down."  
"Becky?" Dean asks in a low voice surprised. Sam nods while listening her.  
"He did what? Oh, we know. Yeah"  
"What?" Dean asks again curious.  
"Hold on" Sam asks and turn on the speaker. "So Becky, we already know about Chuck."  
"Oh you do, that's a relief. I mean he came and Thanos me and my family and now we simple returned, luckily my husband didn't get what happened."  
"So you guys are okay?" Sams asks concerned.  
"Oh yes, we're fine. Oh my God, does that mean I dated God?"  
Sam laughs "it seems like"  
"Oh God... anyways, I just needed call you guys and warn you about him and about his ending. Considering he's God that means he actually makes things happen right?!"  
"Yeah, but we've been there. We beat him. His ending won't happen" Dean says confidently.  
"Oh hi Dean, that's great because his ending was awful..."  
"Hold on, did you read it?" Sam asks what Dean was thinking.  
"Yes, I... might or not helped him to inspire it to write" she confesses guilty "but I didn't knew he was you know God"  
"Just out of curiosity, what was the end?" Dean can't help asking.  
"It was so dark and hopeless and... right, pretty much you die Dean in a hunting that goes wrong and Sam gets married, grow old and dies"  
"What?" Both of them say at the same time.  
"I know it doesn't sound so bad, but..."  
"Except that I die" Dean points out sarcastically.  
"No Dean, but actually she's right, it doesn't sound so bad compared to what he was promising us"  
"Yeah, he wanted us to kill each other, what happened to that?"  
"That was what happened to the other versions of you" she explains "which I have to say it was a very oddly addition to the Supernatural wolrd, but anyways, he wanted give you two something worst. He was just messing with you two, that was never his plan. He wanted you to believe that it was, don't you see that is part of his great final story, the final plot, the villain, god himself want Sam and Dean to kill each other, they spend the whole book fighting him off, Castiel gives his life to save everyone, finding his moment of happiness by be able to save his family..."  
"Moment of happiness?" Sam interrupts confused.  
Dean tries keeps his whole attention in Becky's narrative, no in the fact that at least that goodbye, those words from Cas was real, was his own words. Was not on Chuck's script.  
"The Empty, a quite interesting villain, promised take Cas when he was happy"  
Sam looks at Dean interrogating him with his eyes. Dean pretends he didn't notice. "Right, so what else, what happens?"  
"Well, they beat the bad guy, they're happy, feeling finally free, Dean's making plans for the future, they got a dog, he wants try a normal life. They go hunting, a case that John left it open. A nest of vampires. Dean died, a very, very stale scene. Sam goes on living, get marry with someone nameless, have a son, grow old without his brother, than he dies, meanwhile Castiel is back being an angel, helping some new God..."  
"Cas is alive? In Chuck's ending?" Dean asks almost desperately. And Sam gets a happy apple pie life the way he always wanted, didn't sound as a bad ending for Dean, he never thought about living for too long anyways.  
"Yes, but he don't meet the boys again. The thing about this ending is how he puts, is the message in which the story ends. This is how you'd ended if Dean didn't had go after Sam or if Sam had refused to help him in the first book. Dean would die young hunting in one of his dad's case, Sam would have a normal life, growing old without his brother and Castiel would still be an angel helping God. The message was that you can't escape fate, is mocking the whole Team Free Will thing, he wanted to give you guys a feeling of freedom just to take it away. To laugh at you, so in the end of the book we get to see that the villain, God himself actually won, even if technically Sam and Dean had defeated him, his ending was already written, as it was written so it shall be. Also you two ended up alone, just the two of you, actually it kind felt a bit incestuous for me, anyway he took away all family you found in the way, his way of mock our favorite motto: family doesn't end in blood. Cause It did. So this is his ending. No free will, no family by heart, no chance to live for Dean, Sam's only chance to live is after his brother dies. If you ask me I think he hated you mostly Dean. Anyways I'm just really relieved and happy that you beat him, so now you are free?"  
Sam and Dean hesitate, he can't help but think about Becky's words, how Chuck's ending happened in the books after Chuck be defeat, after they experimented a brief peace and happiness for be free.  
"Yes" Sam finally answers "he's gone and we're all free. There's in deed a new god sort of, better than Chuck."  
"That's great news. Really, I suppose he was the one who brought me and my family back?"  
"It was. He fixed all Chuck's evil doings." Sam replies.  
"Good. I gotta go, so Dean just in case, don't go hunt vampires and if you do don't get in a barn and if you do watch out for any nail, screw, anything like that, right?"  
"I die from a friggin nail?" Dean explodes.  
"Like I say, he didn't like you much, of course you had to die in the mostly stupid way"  
"Son of a bitch" Dean whispers.  
"Okay, take care Becky" Sam says.  
"Bye boys, you two take care too." She turns off.  
"You know I'm glad for her."  
"Of course you are, she's your ex" Dean teases.  
"Very funny." Sam makes a pause and get his serious face on "are you worry about Chuck?"  
"Aren't you? We could be living his ending right now"  
"We don't have a dog." Sam smiles "look all we gotta do is stay away from vamps, and if we ended up in case with vamps we pass the case to some other hunter, we don't get anywhere near a barn and you know... you won't die Dean, I won't allow it."  
Dean smiles at Sam protective words. "Alright, so you gotta a case right? Doesn't it sound like vamps to me, so lets hit the road."

The pie tasted like nothing, is been days that Dean is eating more for obligation than for pleasure. Everything just feels so... dim.  
They got near the house, filled with cops. "Agents Bowie and Jovi" they shows theis budget to a yound cop on the door.  
"Can you please tell us what happened?"Sam asks.  
"Yeah, John Carter, 42 years old, single, lived alone, was found dead this morning by his sister, poor thing is traumatized, some manic ripped his heart out. The thing is, according to the sister everything was locked."  
"Where's the sister?" Dean asks.  
The sister, Marie, after being interrogated by the cops was back at her home.  
"I didn't killed my brother, if that's what you're thinking" she says coldly.  
"We're not thinking that" Sam rushes in saying " But can you tell exactly what you saw?"  
"I've told that to the cops already. I saw my brother dead. His heart by his side. How many times do I need to repeat that?"  
"Did you smelled something weird? Sulfur, rotten eggs?"Dean asks.  
"No" she answers surprised.  
"Did something... strange happened recently? Someone maybe died...?"  
She again looked surprised.  
"What does... well, yes, Letitia James, she was my brother's best friend. She passed away some weeks ago, that's why I was visiting my brother, I've been visiting him often cause he hasn't been himself every since she died.  
Dean and Sam look at each other. Ghost. "Did she died in a violent way?"  
"You can say that. She took a bullet for him"  
Something cracked inside Dean. A best friend dying for the other. But he couldn't possibly think about that now. Focus on the case. Focus on the case. Dean stand up and leaves.  
"Hm..."Sam hesitate."Just a moment" Dean listen he says to the woman.  
He needed breath, he needed some air. Outside he take a deep breath.  
"Dean"Sam calls him "are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine."Dean answers without look at Sam, he doesn't want him to see him that way. "I just... why don't you go back inside and try figure it out where the Letitia woman was buried? I'll try find more about her, see if she's really our ghost." Dean don't wait to see his answer and get in the car and drive off.  
Letitia James lived with a friend, apparently the dead guy used to be her psychiatrist, they became close friends.  
"How close?"Dean asks not exactly being sutil.  
Her friend, Jane, laughs awkwardly. "Well... not as close as she wanted I think."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well... she was in love with him, but he didn't see her in that way, at least that's what she thought. I... convinced her that she should tell him, cause you never know, and she... well, in the night she died, she was planning tell him."  
"Do you think she did?" Dean was picturing the story, rejected woman die for him, comes back and ripps his heart out. Case solved.  
"I don't know. But hope she hasn't."  
"Why is that?"  
"Because if he rejected her or something, than she died right after say all her love and be rejected. I think there's nothing worse."  
Chuck was still in the power playing with him. That's what Dean's first thought was. Cause those words... right after... Cas... Cas... "Thank you for your time" Dean say slowly trying to put himself together. He doesn't even remember how he get in his car. 

"Chuck still has powers and he's still messing with us" Those were the first words that Sam heard as he got in the car.  
"What?" He asked shocked. "What do you mean? Why are you saying this?"  
"I just know right. I mean this case..."  
"What about? Is vamps?"Sam couldn't find anything strange in this case that would point to Chuck. No sign of vampires either. It seems just a ghost case. But apparently Dean thinks different. "What about Dean?"Sam asks again as he doesn't get an answer.  
"You know what? Nevermind. Is nothing, I'm just... I guess it was too soon to get a case. And it's not vamps if that's what you're thinking. "  
Sam watchs Dean hold the steering wheel of the car tightly. Something was wrong. What was he talked about? He couldn't push it, he knew that, but... "Dean what is going on? Is this has to do with Cas?"  
"Why would have to do with Cas?"  
"He died and you haven't yet, you know shout, cry, break things.... hm mourning his death. We don't even talked about it..."  
"There's nothing to talk about it Sammy. Just... let go okay?! I'm fine."  
I'm fine. He always says that when he's actually not fine.  
In the cemetery they dig it out Letitia's body, salt it and burn it. Sam look at Dean for one minute, wondering, what connection did Dean found with this case? Than it became obvious. John and Letitia were best friends, Letitia confess her love for him and die for him, without ever hear it back from him. Was this what happened between Dean and Cas before he died? Sam had always been suspicious of that, but... "Dean, I'm sorry about Cas" Sam says before be able to refrain himself from do so.  
"Well, we both lost him"  
Yes, but he meant something different for you, didn't him? That's what Sam want to say but what he actually says is: "Yeah, we did." Dean would tell him if, when he feels ready for it.  
On their way back to the motel, Sam's phone ring, is a message from Eelin, his hearts beats faster for a moment as usually do when he sees her name. After trade some messages with her she tells him something interesting. "Hm... Dean I don't think we're done."  
"Why not?"  
"Cause Eelin found a case here, and the thing is, her case is exactly like ours. We've been keeping each other updated about our huntings and she just told me that, how similar it is, she's coming meeting us here. Oh here, she sent me the files of the new victim. A teacher just died in her apartment, everything was locked, she was alone..."  
"Let me guess... heart ripped out, by her side?"  
"Yeah." Sam tries to think about it. Were they connected somehow? "So I guess it wasn't Letitia ghost. Alright, I'll search the lore and the local deaths and you go investigate her?"  
Dean simple say yes with a movement of his head. 

Dean was feeling like he was falling apart. It was like a hole had been brutally carved in his chest, and sometimes he just couldn't breathe. He stayed in the car for a while, parked in front of the house of the only friend of the dead teach that he could find. Sam was back in the motel doing his search. He should do his part too. Taking a deep breath he goes talk to the teacher's friend.

"Dean where are you? I've been calling you for edges" Sam turn off the phone after leave the thousandth message for his brother, something was wrong, Dean wasn't picking it up, did the thing got him?  
"I'm sure he's okay Sam" Eelin by his side try confort him.  
Sam tries smiles but fail. "Hey, I go check the teacher's friend house, is the only contact she had in town, so Dean probably went talk to her"  
"Right, I wait here in case he returns"  
"Okay, thanks" Sam gives a fast kiss on her lips and leaves.  
Before he get in his rented car his phone rings. And he doesn't even look at name on it. "Dean?"  
"No, Bob. Listen Sam, that favour you asked, I think I got something. Is called a Thoughtform, is created by a human accidentally through guilty. Any type of guilt. They tend to be aggressive and ripped the heart out of their victims."  
"The victims are the one who created them?"  
"Not always. Sometimes they can attack on a pattern based on what feeling they were created from. Let say someone feels guilty about killing someone, so badly he creates a Thoughtform based on guilty for killing, the thing might kill its creator but will also starts to kill everyone around that feels guilty for kill someone, it feed on guilty, the the person feels it the stronger it gets."  
"How do we kill?"  
"You don't, it was created by one mind, it have to be... uncreated by another mind."  
"How?"  
"I don't know. Figure it out."  
"Right, thanks Bobby."  
Sam was more than certain that the Thoughtform had caught Dean. He drove as crazy through the streets, when he saw the car still parked in the front the house, he didn't knew if that was a good or bad sign, than he saw Dean sitting in the stairs in front the building, in the dark.  
"Dean?"Sam run to him "are you okay? What happened? I've been trying to call you all day."  
"Sorry, I left the cellphone in the car." He answered vaguely.  
"Dean? What happened?"  
"There's a patters Sam... Carol, the dead teachers friend, she had confessed her love, and the teacher, what's her name again? Joanna, Joanna didn't say anything back. And neither John and... I didn't say back Sammy, it will come for me. Whatever pattern is following, I fits it. I fit the pattern... I didn't say back." Dean finally lift his head enough for Sam see his eyes, wet with tears about to fall.  
"Do you mean... to Cas?"  
"Yes. I... I just... it was too much to process, he was... dying and he... what he said... The Empty would come only when he was happy, completely happy and he thought... he was happy after he said... and I didn't said it back and now he's gone."  
"I'm so sorry Dean. I really am." He could begin say how sorry he was. "I agree with you tough, you're not safe" if what Dean was saying is truth than he does fits the pattern. What all those people have in common apparently was guilty of not saying back, for not giving an answer after a love declaration "Come on" Sam helps Dean stand and up and drive him back to the motel.

"A Thoughtform?" Dean asks drinking a beer, trying his best to sound and look as himself, he just can't allow himself to fall apart in front of Eelin, neither Sam should've seen him like that. But it was just too much, another story that worked once again as a reminder of what happened between him and Cas. "Right, and how do we unform the thought hm?" He smiles with a fail attempt of joke.  
"Uh, I don't know we're investigating, but is better if you just don't be by yourself for now."  
Eelin opens her mouth to ask something but she seems have changed her mind for the relief of Dean.  
"Works for me" he drinks the rest of the beer.  
Eelin gets a room by the side of them, they remain in the same room once Dean can't be alone or would probably having his heart ripped out of his chest.  
"Sorry about that" he says.  
"About what?"  
"About be in the pattern, or you would be able to you know..."he smiles and is actually a genuine smile cause he can't help but feel happy about his little brother, that he's finally happy, that he got Eelin.  
"What?"  
Dean laughs "Share the room with her and you know..."  
"Ah Dean, we're in a case."  
"Sure"  
Sam smiles, the smiles that Dean know means he's in love.  
And just like that the moment is gone and a shadow seems to be back at the room.  
"Dean, we should talk about this."  
"There's nothing to talk about it. I just... I feel I should be happy you know, with Chuck gone and all that, but I just... I feel something's missing."  
"Cas..."  
"Yeah..." Dean stand up and go outside without say another word.  
He just can't. He needed... "Jack" he whispered to the darkness of the parking lot "I don't know if you're hearing me, but please bring him back. Please. I know you don't wanna interfere, and that's why I didn't asked before but please, just this once... bring him back, please" He wouldn't, he wasn't Chuck, to keep bringing him back. Cas was gone for good. "Cas... I don't... Cas I miss you, and I'm sorry that I didn't say it back... I..." he stops as he feels a presence behind him, he turns at the same moment hoping to find Cas there but instead there's a woman in white.  
"So this is it, you'll rip my heart out cause I feel guilty for not saying back? Well he died happy, I didn't broke his heart right?!" that what he keeps telling himself, at least he died happy.  
"No" She replies "I'll rip your heart out cause you've already done yourself"  
In the exactly time she makes a move in his direction something beats on her and just like a ghost she disappears, Sam stands where she was with a bar in his hand. "Are you okay?"  
"Yes" He was still trying to makes sense in what she said.  
They go back to the the room. "I think I got it. She kills not those who feel guilt about breaking someone's heart, she kills those who broke their own hearts, who break their own hearts" Dean says almost to himself.  
"So you mean that John and Joanna did felt the same way about the people who confessed their love for them, but for some reason they rejected them..."  
"And got killed because of it" Dean completes, trying ignore he's one the next victms.  
"We have to find out who created it, maybe this help destroy it" Sam suggests.  
Dean fall in the bed. "Yeah, we do that tomorrow, it not seems to be her, it, style kill while sleep" he barely finishes saying and already fall asleep. 

Dean wakes up in the middle of the night with a stranger feeling, a feeling of familiarity, of being watched.  
"Hello Dean" Cas voice breaks through the darkness of the room. For one moment Dean can't move or say a word.  
"Cas?" He whispers. Tha it hits him and desperate comes, he get up from the bed searching the room, a form plays with his eyes in the dark "Cas" he shout and turn on the lamp by the bed. Sam wakes up with his shout, hand on gun "What is it?"  
Dean turn on the lights and look the room, as if could find him lurking around in a corner. "Nothing, I thought I... heard something... " he turns back to Sam, but Sam is now looking in shock to something behind Dean "oh my God" he says.  
Dean slowly turn his back, to find Cas right there, a few steps far from him. Just like he remembered him, just like he was on that day. Cas...  
"Is that really you?" Sam asks approaching carefully.  
"Sam" Cas smiles and look at himself "Yes, is me. Jack brought me back. He's been doing some changes in Heaven and..."  
"Cas" Dean says barely hearing a word of what he had said. Cas alive. One last miracle. He was alive.  
"Dean" Cas say in that familiar way. So familiar to Dean. Dean run towards him and hugs him. The hug he thought he would never feel again, he closes his eyes absorbing the moment. Cas. When he steps back they eyes cross and a thousand things seems to be needed to be said between them, but Dean can't find the words, and apparently neither Cas, so they just get away of each other.  
"Is good have you back Cas" Sam hugs Cas too.  
"Is good be back"  
"So you were saying, changes in Heaven?"Sam asks.  
Cas sits in a bed, Sam and Dean in the other in front of him. "Yes. Now there's only one Heaven, instead of private Heavens to everyone, and instead of you relive your memories, you just well live, make new memories, live in peace, in the way has always suppose to be. And he wanted you to know that he's happy, and also Mary and John and Charlie and Bobby who was released from his prision, in fact there's no more priosion and Kevin was allowed into Heaven. He's at peace now."  
Dean smiles at that. The shock makes hard to process everything he's saying, everything that Cas is saying. Cas is saying cause he's there, alive.  
"That's really great to hear" Sam says smiling. "Hm, do you know if Adam is there too?"  
"Adam is not in Heaven, when Jack brought back everyone, he did him too, and remade his body. He's somewhere out there, alive"  
"Can't blame the kid for not getting in contact with us" Dean can't help in comment, they left him the cage and brought him nothing but pain, Adam is probably better off without them, but Dean was happy in hearing that he was alive, he deserved a chance to live.  
"Well maybe later we can look for him, let him know that if he needs something we're here" Sam suggests. Dean agrees. They have a lot to try to make it up with him.  
"There's more. Changes." Cas proceed "The monsters they won't be able to create more monsters, or passes on their gene. Those who exist will still exist, just there won't be anymore of them in the future."  
"No more monsters?!" Dean could barely belive in what he was hearing.  
"No more monsters" Cas repeats. "He'll also close the gates of Heaven and Hell. No more demons, no more angels on Earth."  
Sam smiles at this too, but Dean can only think in one thing "Does that mean you too? You won't be... here anymore?!"  
Cas diverts his eyes sadly "Yes, I'll have to come back to Heaven"  
"How long do you have?" Sam asks.  
"One day." Cas answers looking once again to them.  
"And than you're gone. For good" Dean says out loud, he needs say out loud so he understands. He was already gone, and now he's back and that's great cause at least he's not in the Empty, but he still will be gone. For good.  
"Cas, is that what you want?" Sam makes the question that Dean was wondering. "I mean you like Earth right? Be here with us."  
"Yes..."Cas again diverts his eyes "but there's where I belong"  
"Right" Sam agrees.  
"So are you guys on a case? Maybe I can help, one more time." His eyes, those eyes... they fall into Dean and Dean just feels like he can't handle anymore.  
Dean stands up "I'll get some beer"  
"Wait, Dean you don't wanna that what happened earlier happen again, do you?" Sam is already about to follow him.  
"What happened?" Cas asks also almost ready to follow him.  
"The thing we're hunting attacked him" Sam answers.  
"What is it?"  
Sam looks at Dean as if was asking permission to say "well is a Thoughtform, a thing created by someone's specific thoughts and feelings of guilty. This one is attacking people who feel guilt about..."  
"Who feel guilty about something. Anything at all" Dean interrupts Sam's answer.  
"And... what do you feel guilty about it?" Cas asks slowly.  
"You kidding, I have tons and tons of guilt to carry. I'll be right back" Saying this Dean leaves.  
Cas can't know. Firstly because not even himself knows. Although the Thoughtform seems to knows. With Cas gone, suddenly he knew, he loved him in that way, now Cas back and he just feel... terrified. Besides, he just can't allow himself think about this, feel this cause... tomorrow Cas will be gone again.  
"Dean" Sam calls him right after him.  
"Don't need babysitter me Sammy, I know how to fight with some thoughts."  
"Why did you lie to Cas? You know that if you tells him, you won't be in danger anymore right?!"  
"Doesn't matter"  
"How... Dean"  
"Sam" Dean stops and look at his brother, "look man, he'll be gone tomorrow okay, and I... I can't do this... with neither of us" That was also true, if he say something, would be harder to Cas leave, to him fulfill his duty. He had to let Cas go. To where he belongs, to where he'll be safe and happy. He have to let him go.


	2. Part 2

By the morning, when Dean woke up, he could barely belive in what have happened last night. And until that moment he still couldn't. Cas and him were sitting in an table in one side of the room searching, while Sam and Eelin were in the other side doing the same, Dean couldn't help but look at Cas every second, barely believing he was actually there, sometimes, briefly their eyes crossed and both diverts their eyes at the same time. That was stupid, it was as if he was a teenager boy all over again, staring, diverting eyes, when he thinks about it, has always been this way with Cas, have him be always in love with him? Was he in love with him? When did this happened?  
"Dean" Cas voice brings him back to the reality and he stare those eyes "I just want to let you know that what I said before is still true, and I'm still happy" he smiles " and I hope you find this happiness some day, doesn't matter how or with who"  
"Cas..." Dean begins without know for sure what say, and the moment he takes to decide, Sam calls them.  
"Guys we found something"   
Moment is gone. Thanks god, cause Dean had no idea of what he would say.  
"Check it out, three weeks ago a woman, Jane Wilson, was found dead with a love letter in her hands wrote by herself, heart ripped out, her body was found under the bridge in the river." Sam explains.  
"She can be the one who created our Thoughtform" Eelin adds.  
"Why you guys thinks she created and wasn't one of the victims?" Dean asks.  
"She was the first victim, and she fits the pattern. She was holding a love letter that she probably never had the courage of sent" Sam says.  
"And she felt guilt of that?" Cas asks.  
Sam look from Eelin to Dean to Cas.  
"Yeah" he simple answers looking back at Dean judgmental.  
"She had a nephew, we should go see him, learn more about her" Eelin points out.  
"Yeah, Dean why don't you and Cas go? Meanwhile me and Eelin will check on A.B"   
"A.B?"Dean asks not letting pass Sam's attempt to put him and Cas alone.  
"Andrew Barns, the letter was directed to an A.B. We searched and the only A.B she knew was her neighbor Andrew Barns" Sam states.  
"Alright" Dean agrees, part of him wants to kill Sam, other wants to thank him cause part of him is not ready for be alone with Cas while another...

"I like Eelin" Cas comments while Dean drives to Jane's nephew's house. "She seems to make Sam happy."   
"Yeah, she does, she's great. I'm really happy for him" Dean says with sincerity.  
"Me too."   
"So Cas, Heaven huh? That's your next stop."  
"I guess. I mean... yes."  
"And... you'll be happy in there?"  
Cas chuckles.  
"Dean I consider myself the happiest being of the wolrd, just for have met you, for have loved you, I'm free and completely happy even if..."  
"You can't do that man" Dean whispers.  
"Do what?"  
"Say things like that right before you leave." Dean explodes.  
"I'm not leaving now. I'm right here Dean."  
Dean laughs bitterly. "You are" He couldn't handle that anymore, that conversation, those words... "so the monsters, everything that is not human will cease to reproduce to create more monsters? But people like Garth they'll be okay, right?"   
"They will. Garth and his children won't stop be werewolves, but his children won't pass the werewolf gene to their kids. And vampires won't be able to turn new vampires anymore. This is the last generation of non human creatures around Earth"  
Dean allow himself to smile.  
"You were right. About Jack. About how he would bring paradise on Earth"  
"I don't know if paradise is the right word..."  
"Are you kidding? A world with no monsters, with no innocent people like Garth being changed or killed, that's the closer thing to paradise we can get. And also no more demons, that's a really great news"  
"I knew you'd like that. Now you and Sam in the future can retire. You can actually open that bar you were once talking about"  
Dean smiles for a moment picturing this, but the first image that comes in his mind, is an image of him, Sam and Cas. He have to get use to the fact that he won't have Cas in his life, in his future. The smiles vanishs. "So once in Heaven you won't never visit us again?"  
"I'm afraid so. Jack wants leave the Earth for humans and humans only, with no supernatural creatures at all. Even witches will at time loose their powers. He's also trying to make some deals with some ancient gods."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, he wants makes them leave Earth but with some compensation, maybe help them fall in the grace of humans again."  
"Well as long as they don't demand for human sacrifices and crap like that..."  
"Jack would never allow that"  
"Yeah" Dean smiles thinking about Jack, missing him but also proud of him. "He's like you, you know, have a kind heart. A strong heart"  
Dean feels Cas looking at him for a long moment but without saying anything. He pretends that don't feel him staring. Calm down Dean, just keep drives. Stop think about all that. Stop think about him. He'll be gone.

"What's going on with Dean and Cas? Why did Dean lied to him?" Eelin asks by his side in the car, while Sam drives to the house of Andrew.  
Sam chuckles. "I think Cas is in love with Dean" he never had say this out loud, and he doubted that Dean had, but somehow it felt so true. Dean never let anyone in, and because of this, it was hard for Sam know for sure if Dean corresponded at first, but through the years, through many moments this had cross his mind, the way they were connected, no, it was more than that, the way they looked at each other, the way Dean looked at him, acted for him, it all gave Sam a lot to wonder about his brother feelings for Cas. But Cas had always been more easy to read, he gave up so much for Dean, for him too, but Sam always knew it was mostly for Desn, the only thing that made Sam wonder was the fact that he was an angel, and he wasn't sure how angels see humans love. But Cas wasn't like the other angels. He just hated the fact that he would have to be gone. Dean deserved better.  
"And Dean is in love with him" she says, it wasn't a question.  
"You think so?"  
"I see the way he look at him."  
"Yeah, I see that too. And the way Cas look at him"  
"I hope they find a way to enjoy the time they have left"  
"Dean he... he doesn't even wanna tell him, he thinks it will be easier for them if Cas doesn't know. I don't know I just wish there was a way to... make Cas stay"   
"Me too."  
Sam smiles at her. It was warm to see she worried about Dean. About her brother in law, too soon for say that? He looks at her, just thinking, feeling, how much he liked her. How much he was happy for have her in his life and how much he wanted that to last.   
They arrived at Mr.Barns house, a simple house in white and blue in a suburban area. They knocks the door and an old man but still looking vigorous for the age opens it. "Mr. Barns? Agent McCartney and Neelson" Sam says with him and Eelin showing their badges. "Can we make some questions about Jane Wilson?"  
He looks shocked, but let them in. He doesn't say anything until the moment they get to the living room and sits in an armchair, Sam and Eelin sits in front of him in a couch."Did you find something? About her death." He asks.  
"No, but we're investigating" Eelin answers.   
"Mr. Barns are you aware of the letter that was found with her body, a love letter. It was directed to you?"  
"I already have told to the agents before."   
"Can you tell us again?" Eelin asks.  
"We used to send each other letter, love letters. But than I broke up with her and I gave back the letters she had sent me." He makes a pause and sob " It was a mistake, I loved her. I never stopped thinking about that, about her, I tried talked to her later but whether by pride or because she had moved on she just didn't wanna talk with me, all I know is that because I was too scared I ended up..."  
"Broking your own heart" Sam starts to thinks about that. Maybe the Thoughtform wasn't created by Jane Wilson, maybe was created by Mr. Barns.   
"Why did you break up with her?"Eelin asks.  
"She was poor, with trouble parents, and I was afraid of what my parents would think, we had name and pround back than, I was afraid of what people would think..."  
"Wait, wait... parents?" Sam asks.  
"Mr. Barns how long ago did all this happened?" Eelin complete the question.  
"About thirty and five years ago, we lived near each other through all those years."  
"That doesn't make sense" Sam lets escape. "She died three weeks ago right?"  
"Yes." He answers almost as a question.   
"Thank you for your time Mr. Barns."

"She didn't created the Thoughtform, did she?"Eelin asks once they're outside.  
"Neither he I guess. I mean wouldn't make sense after all those years the Thoughtform be created now."  
"But if she didn't created, than who did? She was the first to die right?"  
"Yeah, what means she was the first victim, but whoever created probably isn't dead. Yet."  
"We should go back to search more. Search for something that happened three weeks ago around here, that might have triggered this."  
"Oh god! Dean. Cas died three weeks ago."  
"Do you think Dean created the Thoughtform?"  
"I think lost Cas after Cas confess his love and don't be able to answer back got him into a guilt grief wheel. He punishes himself for not having saying it back..." Dean would be wrecked after knowing this, all those people who die... but they needed to find a way to stop the Thoughtform now more than ever.  
Sam calls Dean to let he knows. "Dean?"  
"Hey man" Dean speaks in the other side "we didn't get luck here, there wasn't much new information. How about you?"  
"More or less... hm... is Cas still with you right?"  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Just don't be by yourself, remember the Thoughtform is still after you. And you know you could always tell Cas..."  
"Yeah bye Sam" Dean turn off the phone.  
"You didn't told him" Eelin points out.  
"Yeah I think this is something I need tell personally, we neee find a way to stop this thing before is too late"

"It was Sam." Dean informs Cas while getting in the car.  
"Did he find something?"  
"I don't know" Dean felt so desperately afraid that Cas would hear something that forgot to ask for more details. "We didn't and we should probably go back to the motel and do some search..."  
"Right."  
Cas sounded so sad that Dean looks at him, he's about to ask what's wrong when it comes to him, this is his last day on Earth(his heart got tight and painful everytime he thinks that) and probably be stuck at a motel into books is not his ideal idea of passing the day. "Cas I just realized something, this is your last day around, you should enjoy it. We should do something."  
"Like what? Go to some brothel like that time I was about to die and you took me to one?"  
Dean laughs at the memory, how things were different back than. How Cas made him laugh and smile after so long without doing so. Cas also laughs. "No, that wasn't a good idea at all, was it? But was fun. Good times. I don't know man we could go eat something"  
Wait does this sound like a date? Nah.  
"How about the case?"  
"It can waits. We're back at research I guess, that's Sam thing, besides he and Eelin can handle"  
"You're still in danger, the Thoughtform..."  
"Nah, nothing I can't handle. Besides I got an angel by my side, right?" He slaps him in the arm.   
"Right" Cas smiles and whispers almost inaudible "always".  
Dean look at him and this time none of them diverts the eyes when they stare at each other. Seconds or years pass with so much that hadn't been said between them being said by the eyes. The moment of his goodbye, his final words almost like a presence between them. The fact that Dean should've said something.   
"Yeah let's go eat something" Dean diverts his eye and say turning the car on.  
"I don't eat"  
Dean chuckles. "Alright. I got an ideia."  
Dean wanted to take him to a lake, to fishing with him, just the two of them, but that would mean that soon or later they would have to talk about the elephant in the room, and Dean wasn't ready for that yet, he didn't know what to say, what he wanted to say, if he say he loved he too, if he be true with himself, admit what he always thought about it, what he always wanted... would worth it? Considering they would have to say goodbye again in a few hours. He didn't knew what to do, so instead of turn left he turn right and ended there. On Jody's. They got there at the sunset. Dean had sent a message to Sam from the car to inform him where they were.   
It turned out to be a good thing. Now Cas is talking to Claire, that would be the last time she would see her father's face. And he is sitting in the porch with Jody drinking a beer.  
"You know I think your angel would be a great father" Jody says.  
Your angel... good father... Dean looks at her so startled that she is surprised. "I mean because of Claire, he's good with her" she saying smiling. "Dean... is there anything you wanna talk about it?"  
"Like what?"  
"You tell me. I just feel you have something bothering you, something you might want to let it out"  
Dean laughs "What... can't I just visit an old friend? We're family."  
"I know that Dean and I know you and because of that I know there's something in your mind and something tells me it has to do with the angel..."  
Does Jody knows? "Right. I... here's the thing... I think, no I'm sure, I have... feelings and thoughts... about Cas that I... that hadn't always been there."  
"And what's the matter? Are you afraid he won't correspond?"  
"He does." he makes a long pause which Jody simple waits for him to continue "Those feelings... sometimes I think they had always been there. But I suppressed them because... because he was a friggin angel and because I... I didn't knew how to admit that I had feelings for him. So I suppressed. Until... do you remember the Mark?"  
"The one that made you go all psycho? Sure, how can I ever forget?"  
"Well after I become demon, when I was back to myself but still bearing the mark I felt like I had an appointment with death, I felt I would've to be put down any moment... and so it became hard for me to supress those feelings cause... when you think you're about to die you starts to think about all things you wanted do, all things you wanted to experience... people you wanted to I don't know... be with in a different way, feelings you wanted to explore more deep to figure them out better but you didn't because of whatever reason and you realize is too late and... a feeling of sorrow and despair starts to fulfill your heart... you know... And you starts to think if only I had more time... it was in this moment of my life that I admitted to myself that I truly had feelings for him, that if I had more time I would've tell him and I would've explored those feelings to understand them, I would've tried..."  
"And what happened? I mean you won time"  
Dean smiles sadly. "I did, but there's the thing about death, after the imminent threat passes is easy to go back to the old ways and forget all the fear and promises you made with the rope in your neck. And than with all that happened after that, first there was Amara and I was confused back than and than I was about to die... again... than came Lucifer, again, and... and... when I saw Cas in the Apocalyptic Wolrd, I got so desperately, I thought I was gonna lose him and didn't... and those fears and promises was all there again, if he made out of that, if we survive I'll say it all, I was so relieved when he made it, I think I was about to keep my promise when he died, in front of my eyes." Dean trembles with the memory. "And than when we came back there was Jack and that was really complicated at first, and than came Chuck and all the doubt of what was real or not. Now I know, I know he was real, his feelings are real and also mine. That wasn't Chuck, that wasn't on Chuck script. That was us."  
"You love him." Jody says smiling.  
"He'll be gone. Tonight. Do you think... do you think is worth, do you think is fair? Tell him now, before he go? Won't be worse for both of us?"  
"No Dean. It won't. Say it and enjoy a few hours, even minutes is better than never say at all. Trust me. Is worth. You own this to yourself Dean" She holds his hand on hers "you deserve at least a moment of happiness by the side of the man you love"  
"I'm scared" Dean admits.  
"Of what?"   
"Because... I've never felt this way before, never" A tear drops as he realize how true that was, he loved Lisa, he might had loved Cassie, but never got close on how he... how much he loved Cas. "And he'll be gone and I... I don't know what to do."  
"You tell him and enjoy his final hours together. And in the future when pain comes, those memories, will be a tourniquet. Dean, you'll feel better just for saying"  
He didn't doubt that, Cas' moment of truly happiness was when he said. Go on Jody's turned out be the right call, talk to her helped clarify some things. Say those things out loud helped him understand it better, helped him figure it out how he truly feel. And helped makes his mind about telling him, regardless of their time left. He just needed find now the right moment and the courage to do so.  
Sam's car appears in the same moment that Cas.   
"Is everything okay?"Cas asks as soon as his eyes fall in Dean.   
Only than Dean realizes that he was crying and might have tears in his face, he tries clean them up the more discreet as he can, but he know nothing pass Cas. "Yeah, everything is okay" he tries answer the more careless as possible.   
"Sam" Jody go hug Sam and Eelin.   
"Jody, is nice see you" Sam hugs her back but his eyes soon falls in Dean saying something like "what the hell man, we're in a case, you're been hunting and come here"   
Dean just smiles. The thing was after him, not her, and he needed that. Now despite the hour that was getting close he was almost happy, relieved somehow and Jody were right, take things off your chest, admit things even if just to yourself does has the power to liberate you.

They had dinner, and even though Cas technically doesn't eat, was on the table with them, and it was damn nice see he smile. To see all of them smile and laugh, Sammy, Eelin, Jody and the girls. It felt warm, like be at home.   
After dinner they gather together in the dinner room to talk about the case, he knew he couldn't keep the truth from Cas for too long, but he was just expecting have a chance to tell the truth privately. Sam was still willing to lie about why the Thoughtform was after Dean, and je was damn grateful to him.   
"So I just talked to Charlie, she said Stevie had a similar case in the past and she used a ritual to get rid of, they'll send it me later. I guess is our best shot" Sam says joining them after turn off the phone.   
"Great" Dean says vaguely, observing Cas, who looks back at him, all he had to do was say Cas I need talk to you, and take him outside and say it all.  
"Dean, can I speak with you for a moment?" Sam asks and indicates the living room. Dean follows him until there.  
"What's wrong?" Dean asks as soon as they're alone.  
"I need tell you something. Something I found out today." Sam speaks cautiously, what alarms Dean.  
"What?" His mind runs through thousands of problems, from the case to Chuck's returning, he still thinks that case was way too ironic.  
Sam takes a deep breath. "The Thoughtform Dean... I believe it was created by you."  
"What?"  
"Three weeks ago Cas died. And three weeks ago the first victim of the Thoughtform appeared"  
"Sam that... doesn't make sense right, I wasn't feeling..."  
"Guilty? Dean I know you, you feel things too deeply, you blame yourself for everything, will you tell me that you didn't blame yourself for Cas' death? For don't say it back? That you didn't feel like... you... deserved be punished?"  
Sam in deed knew him. He was right. Dean hated himself. He blamed himself for everything and every time he thought about how his life sucked, how he wanted something better he would feel like he didn't deserve something better, he deserved the life he had, he deserved the pain, that was his well deserved punishment. When Cas died, he died because of him, because he went after Billy, and after Cas confession, the fact that he didn't say it back, he didn't say nothing at all haunted him, it made all pain of loosing him worse. And he felt that was a deserved pain, if he only had said it... so yeah that makes sense. In his pain and grief and guilty he created a Thoughtform that killed innocent people simple because they, like Dean didn't say it back, didn't say what was really on their hearts. He killed those people. How could he not hate himself? How could he not blame himself?  
"Dean listen to me" Sam approaches him "it wasn't your fault. And I believe the only way to destroy it for good is if you forgive yourself. For everything."  
"Forgive myself? Sam I killed those people" Dean explodes.   
"Dean..."  
But Dean is not longer listening, he romped through the door, slamming it behind him. The cold air of the night is welcomed in his face. He wants to shout. Does this never end? The pain, the anger... he just wanted to disappear...  
"Dean" Cas voice brings him back to here and now. He turns back to him. "What happened?"  
"I killed those people Cas. I created the Thoughtform"  
"Is wasn't your intention."  
"Doesn't matter."  
"It does. You're not a bad person Dean."  
It was strange how Cas words could affect him. He thought about what he told him before the Empty come. How those words stayed with him, how he tried live up to Cas expectations on him, Cas saw him that way, as person of love not of hatred and he tried to prove himself that Cas was right, Cas was gone, sacrificed himself for save Dean, the least Dean could do was don't disappoint him, so he was decided do that, live and make decisions based on what Cas believed. He spared Chuck. All to ended it up killing innocent people now. "You were wrong Cas"  
Cas knows what is he talking about. He gets closer to him. "No I wasn't. You're just letting pain and guilt blur your judgment. Dean the thing you need mostly in this world is the one thing you were never able to give to yourself, but you have to. Love. You need learn to love yourself and forgive yourself is the first step to it. So those people lives is on you, how many people's lives is on me? On Sam? We all made mistakes, we all did things that can't be fix and we have to learn how to live with it, how to forgive ourselves."  
"Did you? Forgave yourself."  
"Yes and you know why? Because you forgave me. Through all those years I've made so many mistakes, many of them with you and Sam. I failed you so many times and yet... all the times you forgave me. Because you believed in me, you believed I could do better, I could be better, and I thought to myself if Dean Winchester forgave me, if he believes in me, than I have to believe too, I have to forgive myself too and try be and do better the way he believe I can. So yes Dean, I forgave myself, I try be and do better because of you and I know I don't matter to you the same way you matter to me but please Dean, try. Try believe in yourself too, try forgive and love yourself. I believe in you Dean, believe it too"  
They stayed in silence for a long moment, just staring at each other. Cas words running through his mind. He wanted... he wanted so bad... believe and forgive and love himself. But he didn't knew how to. "I want to..." he admits while tears drops from his face "but I don't know how."  
Cas gets closer. They're so close now. "That's the first step Dean. Want it. That means you recognize that you deserve better."  
"Cas... you matter to me." He had to say "you matter the world to me."  
Cas smiles, doesn't he gets what he means? No he'll have to be more specific. "Cas... on that day, I should've say something..."  
"No Dean" Cas interrupts him "you didn't have to and..." he stops realizing something "is this the thing you feel guilty about it? Me dying. Or me dying without you saying something. You don't have to, you didn't have to. And I knew what I was doing when I went with you after Billy and when I summoned the Empty. And I don't regret."  
Maybe he should just kiss him. And he was about to actually consider answer him by doing that when a scream breaks through the night, coming from behind the house, they immediately run towards it.  
Claire is face to face with the Thoughtform, who has its hand in her chest. "No! Claire!"Dean shouts.  
Before he have the chance to do anything, she set the Thoughtform in fire, the thing simple disappear. They run to her. "Are you okay?"  
She breathing heavy and scared but seems okay.  
Everyone coming running from the house, Kaia faster than anyone "Claire!" She shouts.  
"I'm okay" Claire states.   
"What happened?" Jody asks.  
"The Thoughtform. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here" Dean realizes. He just putted them in danger. He kept doing this, putting people in danger...  
"Sam, the ritual you said, do you get it?" Alex asks.  
"Yes, but we need some ingredients and I'm not sure if we get time to gather it all."   
"I don't think we do." Claire is still holding the stick she had lighted up with fire, she looks in a direction near the trees. Everybody follows her eyes. The Thoughtform is staring them.   
In one second it's there in another it's trying get Claire again. Dean is throw back, falling in the ground.   
"Hey" he shouts standing up "its me that you want"   
The Thoughtform slowly looks back at him and smiles, before it gets to him Sam shoot at it and it disappears again.  
"Let's get inside" Dean suggests turning to them, when he feels something in his chest through his back.   
"Dean!" Cas shout and disappear from his sight, some light seems to lighten the night on Dean's back and than he's able to breath again. Cas is on sight again, looking at him, worried.  
"I'm okay." Dean says "how are we gonna stop this thing?"  
No one has an answer. But at least it seems that the Thoughtform had gave them some time. They run back to the front of the house, when the cars are parked. Everyone looking around. When Dean's car turn it on.  
"Who is in the car?" Sam asks.   
Dean put his hand inside his jacket pocket and find the car keys, showing them to Sam and everyone he states what everyone had probably realized right now "no one."  
The car drives itself fast in their direction, Sam and Dean jump each for a side, together with the others, in last minute, the car crashes in the front of Jody's house, breaking some parts of it.  
"Son of a bitch!" Dean yells at the wind "is everybody okay?"   
Before anyone can answer, everybody is toss in a direction, falling in the ground or against the car and being kept there. Dean is tossed against a part of a wood pillar broken by the car, he feels a sting pain in his back and chest even though the Thoughtform is right before him. He feel he can't move, the thing is keeping him there like is doing with everyone. It gets closer to Dean. He has to think, he has to find a way, because he wanted to live and because he has to protect them, after finishing him up, it would hurt Claire and who know who else, it was his creation, his responsibility. He has to find a way...  
"Dean" Sam yells him "it's feeding on your guilty, on your pain. You created it... you can destroy it in the same way"  
How? He knew how, but... he looks at Sam, Sammy his younger brother, remembering all things he did to keep him safe and he didn't regret of any of it, it was worth, to keep him safe it was worth. He looks at Jody, at the girls, people he cared about, people who cared about him. He thinks about Jack, he almost can feel him around them, like he promised they would, he thinks about his mother, about Charlie, Kevin, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, his father, all people who was, who is part of his family, who believed in him, who loved him, he own them his life one way of another and should live it the best he can for them. He looks at Cas, who gave up everything for him, whose world changed because of him, Cas believed on him since the beginning. For him, for Sam, for them, he should believe im himself too. He looks back at the Thoughtform "You won't win. I forgive myself, do you hear me? I forgive myself" he repeats louder "I did my best to everyone, I did my best for Sammy, I did my best for those that I loved and I failed, if I failed them... it wasn't my fault because I know I did all I could to keep them safe, I forgive myself for all times I felt I failed someone. A lot of people died by my hands, innocent or not, directly or indirectly, but that's not who I'm, I'm not a murderer, I'm not hatred, I made mistakes and I'll never be able to repair them, but the best thing I can do, the closest thing I can do to repair is to live, to live better, to do do better, to be better." He looks at Cas "Cas... he was right, I shouldn't feel guilty for not saying something, there was a lot going on and I... and it was too much for me because I was losing him, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry Cas, I'm sorry I hadn't be able to say what you deserved to hear" he looks back at the Thoughtform "But I forgive myself for that, I forgive myself for everything. I did my best. Always. And I'll keep doing. And I'm proud of myself." The Thoughtform keeps coming closer and closer slowly. Dean doesn't know anymore what he could say to destroy it, but somehow he was feeling less desperate, more lighthearted, he closes his eyes feeling that each of his word was true, the Thoughtform pierce his chest with its hand, in this right moment he feels like he's letting go, letting go all his guilt, about Cas, about Sam, about everything, letting go all his hate for himself. He feels for the first time that he could become something that he would love, he realizes that he was truly proud of himself. And that he was somewhat free.  
The pain and pressure in his chest is released and he opens his eyes to see the Thoughtform disappearing in flames and light, like ghost do, and he knows it was gone for good. And even though a different type of pain on his back and chest tells him something is wrong, he smiles.   
Everyone is released too. Sam and Cas run to him. "You did Dean" Sam says smiling with proud in his eyes.   
"Thanks to you. To both of you" Dean looks at Cas "Cas there's something I need to tell you... now, because I don't think I go anywhere from here"  
The smiles disappear.  
"What are you talking about Dean?" Sam asks.  
"Something's wrong. This is Chuck's ending Sammy. He won."  
Sam gets closer to him, horror in his eyes now, he touches Dean at the back, his hand comes back in blood. "Oh god, Dean... no..."  
Before Dean have a chance in complain or stops him, Cas pull him out of the splinter of wood that had impaled him and touchs his back in the wound. Dean feels that familiar healing light of power getting inside his wound, healing him. And than there's no more pain. He was gonna live.  
"That's not Chuck's ending Dean, that's our ending." Cas says looking in his eyes. And Dean believes. Chuck was really gone. They were free and his life was just beginning. His life wasn't gonna end like that, in fact that wasn't an ending at all, his story was just beginning. A story that would be written by himself, by themselves.  
Everybody breaths relieved. There're some smiles and even laughs among them. Cas and Dean is still looking at each other, Cas is with those eyes that tells Dean that he's wondering about something.   
"Thanks Cas" Dean says softly.  
"Oh why don't you just kiss each other at once?" Claire asks impatiently.  
"Claire!" Jody scolds her.  
And for the second time that night Dean actually considers simple kissing him. But than decides to wait. There were things he needed to say. With all this he had almost forgot that Cas time was running out. Their time together was running out.

Sam finds Eelin inside the house, after saying goodbye to Jody. "Hey, are you okay?" He asks.  
"Yes. Is Dean okay?"   
"Yeah, he'll be fine. Eelin there's something I need... well tell you." They get close of each other. "You know, I never was lucky when comes to relationship, mostly of my previously relationships ended up bad, and I know now that was mostly Chuck's doing, but when I met you, when we started having something, even until tonight actually, I was still afraid, afraid that something bad would happen to you, that I would lose you, I mean I did. And through the years I ended up building a wall around me, around my heart, but you broke thise wall Eelin, because even trying not to, I fell in love with you. After tonight, Dean actually ended up helping me see somethings, that I want and I have to live, the best way I can for all those that I lost, that we all lost, he made me realize that we are true free, and we are real, we're real Eelin, we had always been, and I want to live a life with you. I love you!" He says while signing.  
Eelin got tears in her eyes, the smile in her face tells Sam, those are tears of joy. "I love you too Sam!" She says signing back.  
When Sam kisses her, he feels how he truly loves her, how everything seems to had lead to that moment. How he is happy.

Dean is putting his weapons on the truck of the car when Claire approaches. "Hey thanks for earlier"  
Dean looks at her. "Sorry for put you in in danger."  
She roll her eyes. "We're okay"  
"Hey... what's up with you and Kaia?"  
"That's not your business" She starts to walk away, Dean get in her way.  
"Hey the Thoughtform was coming after people who felt something for someone and for some reason never get to say. I'm just saying... if you feel something for Kaia and I think you do, you should say it."  
"Says the man who created the Thoughtform because he never said to his angel that he's in love with him for what? Twelve years?"  
"Right... is not..."  
"You haven't say to him yet, have you?" She asks crossing her arms.  
"I will and you... you tell Kaia, right? Deal?" He raises his fist and waits.  
She takes a deep breath rolling her eyes again but bump her fist on his "Deal." They smile, knowing they would keep their word. 

They arrived at the Bunker late at night, almost morning and Dean knows he'll have very short time with Cas. The three of them stops near the table, Sam turn to Cas. "So I guess is goodbye."  
Cas simple smiles sadly.  
"Thank you for everything man. You know you'll always gonna be part of this family right?" Sam asks.  
"I know, thank you Sam. It was an honor to meet you." They hug each other. And than Sam leaves, allowing Dean and Cas finally alone.  
"How..." Dean starts but his voice sounds so weak and hoarse that he cleans his throat and starts again "how long do you have?"  
"Minutes" Cas answers with that smile in his face, similar to the one that he had on the day that The Empty took him.  
"Why you never said anything?"   
"I only realized after I became human. When I started to wonder about human feelings that I hadn't felt before. When I started to understand feelings from a more human perspective."  
"Right. But that was years ago"  
"I knew you didn't feel the same way. I didn't wanna lose you. Lose your friendship. Or... make you uncomfortable."  
"You'd never lose me Cas." The words simple escaped his mouth "You know, I thought so much about the things you said... about me... and that somehow changed me, helped me, not just back than, but tonight"  
"Do you see yourself now the way I do?"  
Dean smiles. "I'll get there, I promise"  
Cas smiles satisfied. "I'm happy for hear that."  
"Listen, you said I don't see myself the way people do, but I gotta tell I don't think you do either. Cas I never said that but I should, you're the creature with the greatest and kindest heart that I've ever seen. And that's not on me, that's on you. You have this bright soul, you always wants do the right thing, and you always follow your heart and that for many times had been you downfall, but you never changed, not in this, not in what matters, neither you should. I admire you Cas, cause you're brave and open hearted and selfless and... you said I changed you, but you changed me too, you leaft a mark in my arm when you raised me from hell, and after that, after all those years of you in my life, I can say you leaft a mark in my soul too. It has always been me and Sam, until you came into our lives, and it became me, Sam and you, always. You're important to me, and when I say I need you, all times I've said this, I didn't mean because of your powers or because of the help in the fighting, I mean I needed you there, with me, I needed you in my life, by my side. Always. And just like I can't picture a world without Sammy, I can't picture a world without you, without having any hope that you'll be back. That's why I'm having really hard time in find it out how I'll carry on after... after you gone." Dean swallows, feeling the tears in his eyes. Cas has tears in eyes too, he looks surprised, almost scared. Dean get closer. "Cas... I don't know how or when it happened but it did. And I know it for a while, It's been a while that I haven't think of you simple as a friend or as brother, I mean you're my best friend and you'll always gonna be but... it's been a while that I've been wondering with myself how would be... be more than friends... it's been a while I've been wanting to experiment be with you in a different way than before, but now is too late... and I... I guess either way I need try see if what you say is true, if I can find happiness in simple by saying... Cas you're loved. I hope you know that. You're loved by Sam, by Jack and you're loved by me. Cas I love you." And Dean hoped that he understood that the way he loved him was very different from the way that Sam and Jack did. "And I wish I was feeling happy like you did, but I can't, all I can feel is despair because you'll be gone in a couple of minutes and I..."  
"I think... there's a phrase by a human author that says something like... don't be sad because is over, be happy because it happened." Cas get closer to Dean, don't letting much space left between them, he was never much good at personal space and Dean was happy for that now. "Dean be happy because we happened. Because whatever we were we were real. Becaus you said. You finally say something I'm sure you thought you'd never be able to say. Be happy Dean. Live and be happy."  
"Cas please..." That was something stupid to say, cause it wasn't on Cas hands... but maybe... a prayer starts to play in the back of his mind... Jack if you can hear me... let him stay... please... if he wants to, let him stay.  
"Dean I wish I could stay. I'd stay if I could..."  
"Even though you belong to Heaven?"  
"I belong to wherever you are." He answers smiling. "Is happening... is time."  
"No! Cas... " Dean barely recognizes his voice, how much desperately he sounds, and in the desperation of knowing that Cas was going away, he kisses him. Cas' lips is soft and hesitant at first, and Dean is tense with the despair, but soon they both relax and it feels like they had always been kissing each other, it felt familiar like and old song that remembers you home. When they step back Cas is smiling and crying and he looks at Dean almost with unbelievable, grateful and sad eyes, yet happy.   
Cas trembles and fall on his arms, losing balance. "Wow Cas?" Dean asks alarmed.  
"I don't know... something's wrong"  
Dean first thought is Chuck. Letting he enjoy a moment of happiness and freedom just to hurt and take away Cas from him, again, in the mostly cruel way. Cas seems in pain, he puts his hand on his stomach, bending himself. Like if he was feeling something inside. "Cas?" Dean tries to hold him up, to assit him, without much sure on what to do. Please let him be okay, Jack. Please.   
Cas breaths heavily and than he takes a deep breath and stands up, he's still breathing heavily, sweating, looking tired and scared but seeming better, seeming okay. "What was there? Are you okay?"  
"Hm... I think so." He analyzes his hands and than put his hand over his heart. "Dean... I think I'm human." They look at each other surprised. "How?" Dean asks waiting for the joke, for the however.  
"Jack." Cas realizes smiling. And Dean knows he's right and suddenly he realizes that he's okay and Cas is okay and Sam is okay, they were okay, they won, they weren't in danger anymore they could finally breath. They were free. And Jack... Jack was out there, was there with them, watching over them. Thank you Jack.   
"So good things do happen Cas" Dean says remembering one of the first thing Cas told him, when they met.  
They both laugh, smiling. Dean pull him closer, putting his forehead against his. They were gonna be okay. For the first time ever Dean had control on his life. And he was in the arms of the angel, man now, he loved, where he belonged. He was finally free. He was finally happy. Cas was right. Good things do happen.


	3. Part 3

(Now if you want, picture the montage with Carry On My Wayward Son playing😅)

They kept hunting for a while, than once they realized the monsters had lower their numbers, they decided leave the rest of them to other hunters.

Dean opened a bar, he named Team Free Will 3.0, people often would ask him when did the first and the 2.0 was opened, he would laugh at this. It was an internal joke between him, Sam and Cas. Team Free Will and Team Free Will 2.0 were pretty much a lie, since they were under Chuck's control, so that's why he decided named his bar as Team Free Will 3.0, cause that was what they were now, and for the first time, they were actually free, they actually have free will, so in honor to that, his bar was named.   
Sam went back to law school and graduated. Cas became a FBI agent, cause he still wanted help people in that way. Eelin became a tecaher for kids. She and Sam had a son they named John Bobby. Little John was best friends with Gertrude, Charlie and Stevie daughter. 

Few years after John was born Dean and Cas adopted a baby girl they named Mary Ellen. Dean would put her to sleep singing Simple Man from Lynyrd Skynyrd. And there was something that he always, always said to her, especially when she was crying or uneasy, something he thought we would never say, but things were different now, he had hope, he had hope and faith that there was something above them, he knew there was something good, there was a God now that was in their side, he knew now that good things could happen. So he would always say to baby Mary, before putting her to sleep, rocking her in his arms "it's okay beauty, everything's okay, the angels are watching over you." Cas would smile and kiss her forehead and sometimes he would joke about how she had a dad for angel. "Former angel" Dean would correct him smiling. They would laugh and kiss each other. Life was good.

In the holidays they would always make a part for the family, Mary would try keep up with John and Gerty, who was a bit older than her, Dean would go full overprotective dad and Cas would smile and tell him to relax.   
"Right, it's time for the photo" Jody announces.  
They all gather together, Donna, Jody, Cas holding Mary, Dean, Sam, Eelin and Bobby, in front of them, kneeling by the side of John and Gerty, it was Charlie, Stevie, Claire, Kaia(Claire and Kaia were engaged) and Alex. Jody prepared the photograph camera and ran back to them. 

In a moment after dinner, Dean observes his family, Cas playing with their daughter, John and Gerty playing around the dinner table making Charlie and Eelin nuts, he laughs at that, Jody and Bobby talking, Stevie and Donna showing something in their phone to each other. Kaia and Claire whispering something to each other with smiles and love in their eyes, Alex laughing at the phone. His family, happy, safe. Life wasn't perfect, life is not perfect, and that's why is worth living it, is worth living for moments like those, is worth living as a honour to those they lost. Is hard and is not perfect but can be happy. You just have to be true to yourself and fight for the life you want it. Sam is near him, also watching their beloved ones. "We made it Dean." He whispers almost emotional.  
"We did."   
They found happiness, they found freedom, they found peace. That was the legacy they would leave to the world, of family and freedom. That was their way to carry on and honor those who they lost in the way. By living. By smiling. By simple being.


End file.
